There’s almost always someone in my seminar audiences who isn’t there to learn.
He’s there to preen, to advertise himself, to compete, to win.
It’s a shame, really, because he not only misses what is there to be learned, but he distracts everybody else, embroiling people in his Theater of the Ego.
For example, he might ask a hostile question that masquerades as a sincere search for understanding:
“Do you really think X means Y?”
Where do you begin to answer that?
A flat “yes,” sounds rude and argumentative, as does a flat “no.” A “no,” also implies that you shifted your position, or you lied.
Generally, re-explaining a point you already made adds nothing, and it wastes the time of the entire group.
If you overtly bring attention to the insidious nature of the question, that there is a fighting word in it; “really,” you seem defensive and paranoid, and you could have an open clash on your hands.
Go overboard in straightening out an audience member and you run the risk of alienating everyone else, who might side with him. Let it pass, without any comment, and you seem to be ignoring the question, or to be too timid to admonish a wayward challenger.
You can go the clinical route and separate the defensive portion from the “genuine” portion of the question. It’s cerebral, but it could warn, “Don’t try this again.”
Here is how it sounds.
“Let’s see. Did I say X is Y? I suppose I did; they’re equivalent. Do I really think so? Sure, I meant what I said. In fact, throughout this class, you can count on me to mean what I say, and that way, I won’t have to waste your time by covering these points, again.”
It’s a slam. It says, I know what you’re up to.
If you have a genuine question, one that perplexes everybody, cool. Please ask it. But don’t bother us with pseudo-queries.
Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone had to take a class called, “How To Take A Seminar,” or “How To Learn In A Group Setting?” We might be able to avoid unpleasantness and get on with the all important purpose of sharing vital information in a limited time.
Until then, be on your toes, and select the best possible strategy that will enable you to get back on track, and discourage future attempts to derail your session.
Dr. Gary S. Goodman, President of Customersatisfaction.com, is a popular keynote speaker, management consultant, and seminar leader and the best-selling author of 12 books, including Reach Out & Sell Someone® and Monitoring, Measuring & Managing Customer Service, and the audio program, “The Law of Large Numbers: How To Make Success Inevitable,” published by Nightingale-Conant. He is a frequent guest on radio and television, worldwide. A Ph.D. from USC’s Annenberg School, a Loyola lawyer, and an MBA from the Peter F. Drucker School at Claremont Graduate University, Gary offers programs through UCLA Extension and numerous universities, trade associations, and other organizations in the United States and abroad. He holds the rank of Shodan, 1st Degree Black Belt in Kenpo Karate. He is headquartered in Glendale, California, and he can be reached at (818) 243-7338 or at: gary@customersatisfaction.com.
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